Even Though I Knew the End; C.L. Polk

It feels a bit weird to boil down this novella as a sapphic noir style Supernatural but, in a way, it is. You’ve got deals with demons, supernatural detectives and a secret order of human magi trying to keep them all in line. Not to mention the morally grey angels. So, if you’re familiar with Supernatural, you can see why that comes to mind. But where it diverges is in its discussion of queer relationships and the homophobia surrounding Chicago during this time along with the questionable “therapies” used when someone was outed. For such a quick novella, there was a lot to cover, including the bittersweet heartache that comes with unconditional love.

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Helen would do anything for the ones she loves—the woman of her dreams and her baby brother—and she does. She sells her soul to save her brother but is offered one last opportunity to get it back before she’s dragged down to Hell: hunt down the serial killer taking souls before the demons can cash in. Getting her soul back is not only great for Helen, it gives her more time with the woman she loves. It’s in the pursuit of this killer that Helen learns more about who is cutting the demons out of their deals and why, and the moral conundrum that places Helen in. That part of the story arc alone was fantastic and I think the author was flawless in hitting those supernatural elements with just enough explanation to help readers understand what was happening without slowing down the pacing. But what didn’t get covered in as much detail I’d have liked was the queer aspects and the ache that comes with having to speak to your lover in code when out in public, not to mention where a lot of these queer men and women end up when outed—the asylum. Helen always has that fear of being outed in the back of her mind while she goes about her supernatural business, and while the novella length worked well for that, I think it needed to be a bit longer to really pack the punch it needed so the noir aspects felt more concrete and less like set dressing. Which isn’t to say the vibes were off when it came to a noir Chicago time period, they weren’t! I just like it when stories hurt me and this one COULD have hurt me more.

However, even though I think more could have been done/said about the queer aspects of this book, I absolutely loved it. I love this kind of supernatural lore and love it when the traditionally good and bad entities aren’t black or white. I love the bitter reality of what it means to love someone in an impossible situation, and to love them so much that the platitude of “I’d do anything for you” is truly put to the test. I loved the painful hope this book gives its readers, and I could honestly read story after story of Helen going on hunts, for as long as time allows. So even though I do think more could have been done on the queer side of things, I’m still giving this book 5 stars and am eagerly adding more of this authors work to my TBR!